You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Green mimosas i think yes
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
