You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
