I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
