I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
