you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
