everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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