Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
