This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
