uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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