she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
