My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
