I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
