Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
