I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
