4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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