YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
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Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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