I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
