you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
