whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
