She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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