when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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