we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
