I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
