i need an iv and a liver transplant
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
