3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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