feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
do nipples grow back?
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