East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
