I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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