me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
