My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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