Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
