would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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