bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
