i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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