I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
