just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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