Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
