I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
