listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
