my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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