he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
