my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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