This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
