I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
