it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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