let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
