you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
