those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
