she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
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it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
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I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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