dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
