I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
