The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize