Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
