Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
