Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
