I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
