...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You can't motorboat a personality
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The best revenge is premature balding
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I love you. Go after that dick
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
