I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just google imaged poop.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Randomize
