2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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