..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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