youre lurking in front of me
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
