I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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