Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
