I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
