they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
