ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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