My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
