One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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