Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
