what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
two words...techno handjob
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
