he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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