Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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