and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
