just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
