You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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