Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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