And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
