wat bout pragnant strippers??
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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