Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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