i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
