i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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