i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
