chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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