im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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